Today...

...I have been struggling with Sampson's departure and wondering why I'm struggling.  I'm incredibly lucky - I shared nearly 17 years of my life with him.  Ah-ha, there are some clues in that sentence.  "I" shared those years with him.  I adopted Sam on my own, my decision, my choice, my life, my independence, my younger years.  "Nearly 17 years" with Sam - I also lived at home with my parents for 17 years before going to college, out on my own, new experiences, risks and rewards, excitement, choices, independence. 

My Mom brought Sandy home when we were kids.  Sara, Sam and Abby were all my dogs.  I chose them and they chose me.  Allie is the first dog that has entered my life as an agreement with someone else, a collaboration, a cooperative decision.  Maybe there's something there...  Maybe this feels more like being "grown-up" or "responsible" (yuck :)  Not that Allie or Mike are yucky, of course...  And I'm a big proponent of responsibility usually...  Hmmmm....

I think that my Self is feeling a loss of identity associated with losing connection to that younger, independent, own-choice-making Jen.  I just re-read that sentence and I'm not sure what it means so I'm going to have to mull on it...  It seems that somehow Sam was a link to parts of me that I value.  So, without a physical presence of Sam, I'll have to realize what those parts are, why I value them and then come up with some plan to...do something?  Not sure yet.  Sam's leaving may have brought to light that I needed to remember those parts - since he had been "remembering" them for me.

For what it's worth...