Sam and Scout

Sam has been physically gone from us for almost one year.  I can't believe it.  He passed away last year on December 22nd.  So what does Sam have to do with finding Scout this week?  Well, I'll tell you...

I have felt that our second dog would arrive before the one year anniversary of Sam's departure.  I started "looking" at dogs in April of this year.  Several of the dogs that I was interested in were snapped up before we even got to "apply" for them.  There were a couple of strange coincidences in timing that prevented us from meeting dogs or made the timing wrong to adopt because of travel plans or such.  We even met a couple of dogs - very nice dogs - but not "our" dog.  I also had a strong feeling that I would "find" our next dog - not "Petfind" our next dog, but FIND him or her.  Since April I had been drawn to shepard mix type dogs - dogs with masks and black and tan markings.  Why?  I like more herding types, Border Collie and Aussie mixes - don't I?  The dogs we met were males and Allie was fine with them, though not her usual goofy, play-at-all-costs self, hmmm....  I wasn't sure we were going to get a male, it just seemed like a good idea at the time.

So, what happened on Monday and Tuesday this week was likely orchestrated by the Wise Old Man himself.  When Allie was whimpering and sniffing the vent, I now can hear her thinking, "Which Exit did Sam say it was?  I can't miss it, I have to pay attention.  Sam said that I would smell her when we get close.  I better keep checking the vent - and Sam said to whimper so Mom will think I need a walk..."

I kept checking Petfinder to "find" the dog that Sam was sending us.  It was difficult for me to just trust that he would send us the dog - I had to do something, didn't I?  I had to work, I had to struggle, debate, decide, agonize, didn't I?  Maybe not...  Maybe I just had to go on living and showing up.

What else can I just trust in and not struggle for?  Thanks, Sam, I'll give that some thought.  No matter if Scout stays with us or we find her a perfect home.  Thanks for the lesson, Old Man.  You're never far away.

Happy New Year

Yesterday Allie and I went on a hike in the woods for almost 2 hours.  It has been a long time since I've hiked with a dog.  I think it's been about 3 years.  There's something special about hiking with a dog without trails, without a direction, and without leashes.  We were looking for whatever wanted to be found, going where we felt drawn to go and unaware of time.  That's a pretty good way to start the New Year, to me.  Sam and Abby and Sara and I had explored these woods many times, though we hadn't often gone this far.  Allie and I had hiked the woods a few times already on this trip though these were our first hikes together in these woods.  We went our own ways much of the time, came back together when one of us felt the need and generally explored our surroundings.  Again, a pretty good start to the year.  We found an animal's den, lots of gorgeous old stone walls, an owl pellet, probable bobcat droppings, and saw a pretty big owl swoop down from a tree and fly off deeper into the woods - and those are just a few highlights...

I began my 41st and Sam's 17th birthdays with Allie in a way that Sam totally approved of.  I just started to write "I'm hoping..." and I caught myself.  I recently read somewhere that hope implies doubt.  That really resonated with me.  I'm not going to hope something, I'm going to do it, think it, allow it, or cause it to happen.  This year I'm going to keep "living like Sam" with Allie's help and Sam's lessons...  It's going to be a great year.

An Abbreviated List...

...of Gifts from Sam.

1.  Mariah and Sam (a Golden Retriever) - my first friends in Cleveland
2.  My wonderful work with dogs
3.  Lessons on loving and letting go
4.  Awareness of living in the present moment and lots of practice in it
5.  Lots of forgiveness when I accidentally cut his nails too short... on several occasions (sorry, Bud...)
6.  Many of my other friends in Cleveland
7.  My house (his unfortunate adventures in 2000 caused me to reconsider living in my apartment in the "country" if he and Abby couldn't be off leash, so I started looking for a house to buy)
8.  His deep understanding and acceptance of my quirks, occasional temper tantrums, and foibles 
9.  The beauty of allowing - things to happen and evolve, forgiveness of myself, his inevitable passing....
10.  His example of servant leadership
11.  A chance to appreciate his patience, grace, and sometimes his frustration with respect to his advancing age and changing abilities
12.  The honor of knowing his Wise Self and apprenticing to him for an wonderfully long time

To list all the gifts Sam gave me might take 17 more years so I'll leave off here...  He taught me about me, him, relationship, allowing, leading, and other beings and in hindsight, much more than I learned in 5 years of college.  Cheers to the University of Dog and my graduation from the College of Sam...