Yesterday Allie and I went on a hike in the woods for almost 2 hours. It has been a long time since I've hiked with a dog. I think it's been about 3 years. There's something special about hiking with a dog without trails, without a direction, and without leashes. We were looking for whatever wanted to be found, going where we felt drawn to go and unaware of time. That's a pretty good way to start the New Year, to me. Sam and Abby and Sara and I had explored these woods many times, though we hadn't often gone this far. Allie and I had hiked the woods a few times already on this trip though these were our first hikes together in these woods. We went our own ways much of the time, came back together when one of us felt the need and generally explored our surroundings. Again, a pretty good start to the year. We found an animal's den, lots of gorgeous old stone walls, an owl pellet, probable bobcat droppings, and saw a pretty big owl swoop down from a tree and fly off deeper into the woods - and those are just a few highlights...
I began my 41st and Sam's 17th birthdays with Allie in a way that Sam totally approved of. I just started to write "I'm hoping..." and I caught myself. I recently read somewhere that hope implies doubt. That really resonated with me. I'm not going to hope something, I'm going to do it, think it, allow it, or cause it to happen. This year I'm going to keep "living like Sam" with Allie's help and Sam's lessons... It's going to be a great year.
Allie off leash and going off on her own unsupervised now that is a frightening thought to me....but then Grandmas worry, that is their job. Now you have given me something else to ponder. On Sept. 27th, 2010 My comfort dog died. I rescued her from a puppy mill when she was 4. What I picked up and scrapped off the cement and breeding box was fur and bones in a pool of blood. I carried her out into the fresh air on a cold Spring day and said, "I Hope we make it to the hospital." By Grace of Spirit we did and the Vet said what is her name? I said she has none I just Hope she makes it. And thus she was named, Hope, My Hope. And she became that to me. With the death of My Son, My Father, My Husband (best friend), My Mother and then My Heart/Trial Partner Dog on June 7th, 2010 Hope was the last thread of Hope I had in my life. My Hope had seen me through all those deaths one right after the other. And then came the day of her own. She laid down on the kitchen floor to be close to me. At 1:23am she looked one last time at me then closed her eyes and she was gone. No death rattle no making me decide the time of her death. No My Hope saved me from all the emotions she knew I could not do. So now I ponder your words, Hope...is there doubt or is there only Hope eternal. From One who has lost Their Hope I say there is no doubt, the emptiness of being without Hope is death of Spirit. There is only the want and the need to be in the presence of Forever Hope. Sam is and always shall me Yours.
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